


Dammit, Janet!

by MissVioletHunter



Category: British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Halloween, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 01:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissVioletHunter/pseuds/MissVioletHunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom’s love interest finds out he’s never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show, makes him dress up as one of the characters and drags him to a midnight showing. Virgin shenanigans, toast and pelvic thrusts ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dammit, Janet!

**Author's Note:**

> This was my entry for the recent THFrustration prompts contest. It didn’t win, but I’m super happy anyway because it got more notes than any of my other stories. Of the super-long list of prompts, this was the only one that spoke to me, maybe because Rocky Horror is very close to my heart. I have performed on several Audience Participations, including a Halloween performance much like the one described in the story.
> 
> Also, this was the first time I wrote Actor Tom and not one of his characters. I still find it a little weird, and I definitely manage better with a character in mind, but this was a lot of fun to write.

_It’s just a jump to the left_   
_And then a step to the right_   
_Put your hands on your hips_   
_And bring your knees in tight_   
_But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane…_   
_Let’s do the Time Warp again!_

"Now, Tom, repeat what we’ve rehearsed. I want to see if you got it right."

"Janet, darling… I’m an actor. A good part of my job consists of learning lines. I went over the notes you gave me, and I’ve got everything committed to memory."

Tom and I were on a cab, heading towards the Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square. The streets were full of people in costume, as it should be on a proper Halloween night. Some people don’t like this holiday, but to me it was just perfect: I was with my gorgeous boyfriend, on my favorite night of the year, on our way to see an Audience Participation performance of my favorite movie. Tom looked a bit worried; this was not the first time we had gone on a date in public, but Leicester Square is always so crowded that he was a bit concerned about the publicity if someone recognized him.

We weren’t exactly in costume, at least not to anyone not acquainted with said movie: I was wearing a lavender double-breasted suit with a modest skirt, a short, vintage-style jacket and a white church hat. Tom looked incredibly dorky and adorable at the same time in a tuxedo, with matching cummberbund and bow tie, and thick-rimmed glasses. To any fan of the Rocky Horror Picture Show we were immediately recognizable as Brad and Janet, but I was sure the glasses had disguised Tom enough to go otherwise unnoticed. Hey, if it worked for Clark Kent…

We got out of the cab and mingled with the crowd that was already waiting for the cinema doors to open. There were at least other four Brad and Janet couples, many maids in fishnet stockings and several other character’s lookalikes, among a multitude of Transylvanians in black tailcoats and sunglasses. They were laughing, snapping pictures of each other and randomly bursting into one or other of the movie’s songs. Tom’s apprehension to being recognized had vanished, but he still seemed a bit shocked. Every now and then, someone in the crowd would look at us, smile wickedly and shout _‘Asshole’_ or _‘Slut’_ in our general direction.

"Janet, are you sure I’m going to like this? It may be a bit over-the-top… and everyone else looks like an expert in this Rocky Horror thing. I’m sure this isn’t the first time they have dressed up like that."

"Tom, that doesn’t matter! I’ve been to dozens of Audience Participation screenings, I’ve even played several characters when I was in that community theatre company. But you don’t need to be an expert to have a good time here! All you really have to know to participate is that Brad and Janet get lost on the road on a stormy night, they get to Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s haunted mansion, where he’s trying to create the perfect man, and they have a night they will never forget. It’s a horror movie, but it’s also silly and fun! And if anyone asks, remember: Brad’s nickname is ‘asshole’, Janet is always called a ‘slut’, and the narrator has no neck."

"How can you have been to dozens of these? When did you start?"

"Do you think it’s a coincidence that my name is Janet?" I laughed. "My Mom and Dad are huge Rocky Horror fans. They met at a midnight screening in 1980, and I already knew all the references before I was even allowed to watch the movie. They made me wait until my sixteenth birthday, but after just one show I was completely hooked."

He let out a sigh and interlaced his long fingers with mine. “I love sharing something you’re so passionate about. I guess I’m just a bit intimidated.”

"I will guide you through it. Don’t worry, I know you’re a virgin."

"Wait, what?" I swear he jumped a foot in the air. "Janet, what are you talking about?"

"Tom, stop freaking out! A _'virgin'_ is what they call a person who has never seen Rocky Horror in a theatre. Sometimes, before the show starts, the cast makes them pop a balloon between their legs or something like that. Don’t worry! It’s completely harmless; besides, I know a couple of cast members, and they would never do anything too raunchy, especially if they know you’re my guest.” I stood on my tiptoes to give him a reassuring kiss.

"Hey asshole, slut, get a room!", came a shout from somewhere in the crowd. I held on to Tom’s neck and laughed, and he finally relaxed and flashed me a smile just in the moment when the doors of the cinema opened. The night was just about to start.

The cinema had been transformed into a replica of an old and battered theatre by virtue of a series of black and red curtains that hung from the walls, decorated with fake dust and cobwebs. It quickly got completely full of people. Our seats were right in the middle of the first row, of course (knowing the cast has its advantages). We had just been given a bag full or props that were meant to be used along the show, and Tom was browsing through them, excited like a little boy on a Christmas morning.

"Okay, I have a bag of rice… for the wedding, I suppose. A newspaper page, that’s for the rain scene… are they really going to throw water on us?"

"Yes, Tom, just a little… with a water pistol." Newbies would always pull out the newspaper and wonder what the hell it was for. Once the cast got the water pistols out to simulate the rain in the movie, they usually figured it out pretty damn fast.

"A card… oh, look, the King of Hearts! Can I keep it?"

"Very appropriate for you; I wouldn’t have chosen any other card", I said, leaning to kiss him again. "But you’re not supposed to keep it, you have to throw it… in the right moment."

"A noisemaker… I’m definitely keeping this one. A party hat. And a bag of confetti! I love confetti."

I couldn’t help laughing. “Tom, I gave you a list of props to read! You already knew about all these things.”

"I know, but… Do I really have to throw a piece of toast onstage?"

Before I had a chance to answer that, the cast members started to appear down the aisles. The Master of Ceremonies walked center stage, microphone in hand, greeting the audience. He could hardly be heard above the laughter, the screams and the general buzz that came from the stalls. The atmosphere inside the theatre was electric, addictive and charged with anticipation.

The ‘virgins’ were summoned onstage, and I practically pushed Tom from his seat. There was a good number of them, some nervous, some a bit bewildered. One of the Transylvanians, armed with red lipstick, marked a ‘v’ on their foreheads, and they all stood in line stoically while the whole theatre shouted ‘Virgins!’ at them and sprayed them with water pistols. When Tom came back to his seat he was beaming.

"That was fun! I think no one recognized me."

"And I think you’re going to wear those glasses a lot from now on."

The lights went down, and the movie began, with the shadow cast members replicating the movements of the actors on the screen. Tom quickly figured out what to yell at the characters, despite not having read any of the lines until a couple of days before. He even shouted “buy an umbrella, you cheap bitch!” at Janet during the storm. Unbelievable! The movie, of course, was campy and not especially good, and you needed to have a high tolerance for rude jokes and sexual topics, but that wasn’t the point. It was a shared experience, a place for all Rocky Horror lovers to gather and fly our Transylvanian freak flags, and seeing Tom enjoy it so much was making me incredibly happy.

Tom threw the rice, managed to get both of us under his newspaper when the fake rain started and I misplaced my own sheet of paper (always the gentleman… I adore him for that), and even allowed me to drag him to the aisles to dance the “Time Warp”. Damn, he got all the steps better than me!

I had prepared another little surprise for him thanks to my friends in the cast. It was time for “Touch-a Touch Me”, a quite racy number where several cast members run into the audience and grope them in a more or less daring way. The guy playing Frank-N-Furter sat on my lap while he was singing, and Tom had the utmost honor of being sandwiched between Columbia and Magenta, both of them in fishnets and corsets that left very little to the imagination. He went red as a beet, but the song finished before he could react.

"Darling, I swear I didn’t… I mean, they went straight towards me."

I could barely stop myself from bursting into laughter. “I know, Tom… I was the one who told them to do that.”

He did his best to look offended for a second or two. “So, did you enjoy my thirty seconds of embarrassment?”

"A lot. But don’t worry, I’ll get my revenge on those two girls the next time I see them, when I tell them _who_ was that bashful and attractive man they gave a lap dance to, in a theatre full of people”, I whispered with a wicked grin.

The movie continued. We threw confetti at Frank and Rocky, celebrated the appearance of scientist Dr. Scott, donned our party hats during the dinner scene… until my favorite number arrived. It was a very sad song, somewhat out of place in the middle of a raunchy horror movie, but it broke my heart every time I heard it.

_I’ve seen blue skies_   
_Through the tears in my eyes_   
_And I realise I’m going home_   
_I’m going home…_

_Everywhere it’s been the same_   
_Feeling_   
_Like I’m outside in the rain_   
_Wheeling_   
_Free to try and find a game_   
_Dealing_   
_Cards for sorrow, cards for pain…_

That was the cue for throwing the cards to Frank-N-Furter, but I was too busy crying. I hadn’t told Tom, but I kept a stack of cards at home, one from every single performance I had attended, just because every time this moment arrived I was so taken with Frank’s grief that I always kept the card in my hand. This time was no different; the three of diamonds was firmly held between my fingers, and I felt tears stream down my face. But I felt something else. Tom’s hand came to rest over mine; and his card, the King of Hearts, was still in it. I looked at him and saw a tear roll down his face… and I knew, right there, in a smelly little theatre crowded with costumed people, that I would never leave this wonderful man.

The moment passed, our tears dried, and the fun continued without interruption until the end of the show. After a few rounds of enthusiastic applause we left the cinema, wading through the piles of streamers and discarded props on the floor. A few grains of rice had fallen on my hair and down my shirt. While we waited for the cab, Tom (always the gentleman) very eagerly helped me pick the ones that had landed inside my cleavage.

We arrived at my flat shortly after, and Tom waited in the living room while I hurried to the bathroom and got rid of the bits of rice and confetti that still dwelled inside my costume. I took off the lavender jacket, the blouse and the skirt, and extended a hand to grab the jeans and t-shirt that I had planned on wearing, but right before that I had an idea.

My only regret is that I didn’t have a video camera to record his face when I emerged from the bathroom wearing only a white bra, matching cotton knickers and a ripped white slip. I looked exactly like RHPS Janet during the “Touch-a Touch Me” scene, and I guess he knew he was in for a little show of our own.

"Tom, you have been wonderful tonight, but I have to say I was disappointed in you at one point", I said dramatically, with the most exaggerated pout I could muster.

"I think I behaved exceptionally well, darling", he said, trying not to smirk, while I placed my hands on his shoulders and gently guided him towards the sofa.

"There was a little something that you could have done so much better…" I kept on pushing until the back of his knees touched the edge of the sofa and he fell backwards. I seized the opportunity to sit on his lap and help him take off his tuxedo jacket.

"Oh… what did I do wrong, exactly?"

"The pelvic thrust movement during the Time Warp. It’s like you weren’t even trying", I whispered in his ear in a fake whiny voice, while undoing his bowtie. "To be honest, it was a bit embarrassing. I’m warning you, we are not going to any more Rocky Horror screenings until you do it right."

"And what do you suggest I do to fix it, Janet?" he answered, playfully tickling the back of my knee before sliding his hand up my white slip.

"Practise, Brad, practise… You’re not getting off this sofa until I have witnessed the _perfect_ pelvic thrust.”

He pulled me closer into his lap, making my breasts press against his chest. With a lustful smile, he took off his glasses and buried his fingers in my hair before his lips made contact with the sensitive skin of my neck. I melted into his embrace, letting my hands roam over his chest and wander down, down, down…

"Dammit, Janet!"


End file.
